{"id":15173,"date":"2021-12-17T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-12-17T02:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/?p=15173"},"modified":"2024-11-11T13:58:27","modified_gmt":"2024-11-11T03:58:27","slug":"moving-with-stepkids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/moving-with-stepkids\/","title":{"rendered":"How to make it work when the stepkids move in"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Stepfamilies come in all shapes, sizes and scenarios, but with as many as one in five<\/a> Australian families including children from previous relationships, they\u2019re one of the nation\u2019s fastest-growing family types.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About to join the ranks? You\u2019re in good company. Feeling a little fraught at the prospect? Don\u2019t panic. While no two families are exactly the same, we sought expert advice about how to make the transition as plain sailing as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ditch the great expectations<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Stepfamilies can be wildly successful family units \u2013 given time. But when it\u2019s a new arrangement, be realistic rather than overly optimistic about what to expect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s fair to say there\u2019ll be an adjustment period no matter how well balanced your children are,\u201d says child psychologist and co-founder of the Quirky Kid Clinic<\/a>, Dr Kimberley O\u2019Brien.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDepending on the situation, you\u2019re bringing two family cultures together with different house rules, so teething problems are common.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Acknowledge that, know you\u2019re not doing anything wrong when hiccups occur, and give it time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make team decisions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This will depend on the age of your children, but making decisions as a group is a great way to create \u2018buy in\u2019, insists Relationships Australia National Executive Officer Nick Tebbey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cKids may not get much, if any, say about the decision to blend with another family, so by allowing them to contribute to decisions about new family routines, rules or plans they\u2019ll naturally feel more on board,\u201d he says. Think of it as one of the most important family bonding exercises you can do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have one-on-one time<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

While family time benefits everyone, Dr O\u2019Brien says it\u2019s vital to spend some alone time with your biological children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cStepfamilies are about adjusting to the new, but giving time to the past is important, too, because you\u2019re not trying to erase that,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTaking time out together to revisit some old memories and activities will ensure that your parent-child bond remains strong.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check in with each other<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When it comes to talking to family members about how they\u2019re adjusting, Tebbey suggests making this a regular, structured \u2018thing\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOpen communication in every family is important, but when it\u2019s a new family, it\u2019s even more so,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Set aside time and encourage your children to identify and share how they\u2019re feeling and do the same with each other as parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr O\u2019Brien believes showing your kids some extra attention is also key. \u201cA bit of extra supervision during this adjustment period,\u201d she says, \u201chelps them feel heard and reassures them that you\u2019re interested in their perspective.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Go into problem-solving mode<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Once you understand what your children are finding difficult, work out practical solutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFor example,\u201d says Dr O\u2019Brien, \u201cif step-siblings are a similar age it can deliver more jealousy, competition and sibling rivalry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPlus, just because children are the same age, they may have very different interests. Encouraging them to set up spaces they can spend time in separately and even role-playing things they can say to a step-sibling in challenging situations can help.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Call in the professionals<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Feel like you need help? \u201cAsk for it,\u201d Tebbey advises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGiven the adjustment required around coming together as a step or blended family, I can\u2019t think of a better reason to use one of the counselling services available.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCounselling isn\u2019t something that\u2019s reserved solely for relationships that are falling apart. The reality is stepfamilies can be tricky, so seeing a professional who can help you as an individual or a family communicate better or resolve issues is the smart thing to do.\u201d Relationships Australia<\/a> offers family and relationship counselling nationwide. You can also check out Stepfamilies Australia\u2019s<\/a> tip sheets. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Focus on the future<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You may not be able to time travel, but Dr O\u2019Brien says remembering that things will get better can help during challenging times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf your children have your support and you\u2019ve put strategies in place to address areas of conflict or competition, these things often tend to resolve quite quickly,\u201d she explains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBlended and stepfamilies can work very successfully and when they do, it means a child has up to four parents who are invested in them, can provide extra opportunities and bring different life experiences to the table.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lucky kids!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n
Moving? Get it sorted online in minutes<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\"\"
Learn more about the 2024 Finder Awards and methodology via Finder\u2019s site<\/a><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Being part of a blended or stepfamily can sometimes be more of a challenge than child\u2019s play \u2013 for kids and adults alike. But there are things you can do to smooth the way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":18426,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[105],"tags":[27,80],"oe_author":[],"class_list":["post-15173","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-at-home","tag-moving-house","tag-moving-tips"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15173","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/27"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15173"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15173\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18426"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15173"},{"taxonomy":"oe_author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.originenergy.com.au\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/oe_author?post=15173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}